Wednesday, February 9, 2011

miss me?

The secret to being a successful chiroblogger is to post, post, post!  But I have neglected to do so; last year I abandoned entire months, giving the impression that I had nothing to say when I've got LOTS to say.  I'm constantly composing posts in my head, but all too often, my thought-blogs vanish before they begin, and I'm left blogless, giving you the impression that I don't care.  So I realized I best be posting promptly or surely my loyal reader will abscond, and then what?  What is the writer without her reader?

And suddenly it is 2011.  And while the technology I need has not yet been invented (some sort of brain-computer wire to download my thoughts to my computer),  I am starting this year off write!  For example, I have already written next year's New Year post, thanks to last year's procrastination.  And how better to actually start this year off than by posting in February?  So here I write, I chirotype and chirobabble... and as an apology for my inexcusable absence, please accept:

Dr Fagen's winter-spinal-survival guide

1) GO SOUTH!  And go far, too. Because apparently it snows everywhere now!  Is this creeping anyone else out?  I get the sense we are entering some sort of ice age and I can't tell but maybe this has something to do with global warming?  It's freaky and freaking cold.  So go.  And take me with you.  Normally I'd suggest you take an ice pack for the long, long drive, to address any joint inflammation or injuries that can happen on such a long journey, but sticking your hand out the window and collecting a ball of snow will work too.  Apply to newly sore joints for 10 minutes at a time, say 3 times daily.  Once you've reached your sunny destination, just use the ice from your mojito.  

2) Snow shovelling is for the spineless.  Really, there is no delicate way to say this.  The best way to shovel snow is to GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT.  Now this, readers, is news you can use.  Sure, you can lift with your knees and keep your back straight and push rather than lift the snow, but you know what?  SNOW IS HEAVY and HEAVY CAN HURT YOUR BACK.  Especially when it doesn't. stop. snowing.   So ignore my advice if you will, go ahead and follow other chiropractor's suggestions, but explain me this: how are you supposed to both "shovel regularly during a snowfall before it accumulates" and also "take frequent breaks", and of course, "stretch before and after"... don't you people have THINGS to do?  And don't even get me started on electric snow blowers, see global warming above.  

3) Rush slowly.  News flash: ice is slippery, and gravity is relentless.  The lessons here are obvious: a) keep your walkway clear  b) wear appropriate footwear with lots of traction c) walk slowly and with caution!   oh and d) slips happen.   Lets all be grateful for the little slips and falls, for they remind us that we are vulnerable and that this time, we avoided a big one.  And also, see your chiropractor!  A well adjusted spine can better handle the stress of a fall, and if it has been a while since your last adjustment, well, we are great at fixing things too. 

4) Footwear deserves a whole post, nay, a whole blog of its own... but for the sake of WINTER SURVIVAL let me get the basics down.  Your footwear should be, in no particular order: warm, waterproof, traction-y, attractive, lightweight.  This is not possible, no footwear has ever in the history of the universe been all these things - practical and cute are the dichotomies of the boot-world, mutually exclusive and ever-elusive.  The answer to this, of course, is to purchase many many pairs of boots, each fulfilling a particular function.  

5) Stay active!  To best enjoy the winter season, be sure to get out and enjoy the few daylight hours that we are afforded.  They say that winter activities like skiing, snowshoeing and luging are wonderful for the body and mind, but 'they' also said that leggings couldn't be worn as pants, so I'm hedging my bets and staying indoors.  I did join a gym, mind you, so remember that you can be active and warm.  Don't be a luger.  Get off your butt!

6) Hang out with a kid.  If this doesn't warm your frozen heart, nothing will.